Trusting God in Everything

I've just started a new chapter in life.
I've obtained a new title that nobody wants -


My sweet wife Laci, went home to be with the Lord on Aug. 13, 2020, just two weeks before her 35th birthday. As I write this, it's been 6 weeks, but I watched in horror as the cancer consumed her for just over a year. She meant everything to me.

We have 2 small children - a 7 year old daughter and a 4 year old son - which means I have been fielding a lot of questions about death. Can you imagine constantly trying to explain to your young children why they can't take their own lives to go be with their mommy?

It's been hard.
It's incredibly lonely.
I can't imagine a much worse circumstance to make someone choose to be angry at God.

How do I feel?

Closer to God than ever before in my life.

He took my bride to her eternal home - Heaven. If we believe that (like deeply believe that), how then can we question His will? Who am I to think I have any right to be mad at my Creator?

Am I am sad, lonely, and overwhelmed? Yes.
Am I angry though? No.

Why?? How??

God has shown up, over and over again, each time reminding me of the deep love He has for me. I trust in His will and I believe that I will be happy again one day. That I will see my wife again, pain-free and joyous for all of eternity.
I truly believe that, and that is why I'm not angry at God.

If I choose to be consumed by the pain I've felt on Earth, I'm in turn choosing to not trust God.
This planet isn't our hope. If you actually believe that, how can anything cause you to question God and His will? My hope is in Christ. My wife's hope was in Christ. We are children of God Almighty.

Think about this for a second -

God, the Creator of the mighty and vast universe, loves YOU!

He loves you more than you could ever understand. How then, could you not trust Him?

Every time I think about how much I miss her, I remember that she is in Paradise and my pain consistently melts away.
That may sound crazy, but I can deeply trust in God because He deeply cares about our pain.

I've had a lot of pain in my life, but nothing compares to the last year. I watched Laci fight with great faith. I watched her suffer. I watched my precious bride fall apart in front of my very eyes as I desperately tried everything I could to take care of her and save her. I loved her so much and she knew it. She felt cherished everyday and we had a beautiful marriage.

So why did God bring my wife home to Him?
Why didn't He allow us to continue our incredibly blessed marriage?
Why do I have to raise these kids alone?

Honestly, I don't know these answers. I may never know until I get to heaven, but my faith won't be shaken. I miss her tremendously. I am missing companionship, intimacy, and love a lot, but I believe that God (in His timing) will bring those things back to me through another wife some day.

Has your faith been tested? Do you truly trust in God's will?  

I choose to look at life's pain + difficulties like this: God wants to teach me something.

He wants to better prepare my heart to be with Him forever. As my Heavenly Father, He is far more trustworthy than anyone in the entire universe. I would be a fool to ask Him all of my "why" questions. I am a radically changed man in many ways. My life is hard and painful, but my faith is stronger than ever.

I would do anything to change this outcome, but I can't. She is gone.
What am I left with? I'm left with choices. I can either fall apart or I can be a testimony of God's grace and love. I have been given an incredibly rare opportunity to show people that as believers, we mourn differently. I'm able to show people what trusting in God's will looks like when lived out each day. I have friends that are watching me closely to see if I really believe what I say about God. There have been people who came to salvation through my wife getting cancer. Think about that on a deep level - People got saved BECAUSE she got cancer. Human souls will get to be with God for all of eternity, because I lost my wife.

There is always a bigger picture to your trials.

Sometimes, you will not understand the why's, but you can still trust in Him. Why? Because He alone is worthy. Maybe He is preparing you. Maybe He is using you to increase His kingdom. Don't we all pray for the Lord to use us? He used Laci and I to glorify His kingdom and I feel honored.

I will embrace this pain for my God. I will forever trust Him.

I hope this gave a few people the ability to have a different perspective on whatever trials you may be facing.
Trust in Him always. I pray for God to bless all of you who read this.

- Mark Massaro


Kim - October 7th, 2020 at 2:51pm

Thanks for sharing from your heart Mark! I can’t Imagine the pain and loneliness you feel but God uses your testimony in all of our lives. Laci was such a Godly testimony also as she clung to Jesus in her struggle. She is loved and missed by our church body❤️

Tamara - October 11th, 2020 at 11:30pm

So beautifully written. Thank you for sharing and so true trials are going to come and where will we put our trust.

John - October 11th, 2020 at 11:51pm

What an amazing testimony brother. Thank you for sharing this. It speaks so much. ❤️

Rusty Weesner - October 12th, 2020 at 1:54am

My heart goes out to you, Mark. I can't imagine the pain you feel. You are in my prayers. Thank you for showing us what it is like to truly trust God, even when it's painful.

Judy - October 12th, 2020 at 9:20am

What a beautiful testimony Mark, Thank you for sharing your heart and the beauty that comes from knowing Jesus. I do believe that Jesus does draw closer to us in our trails if our eyes are on Him. Your eyes my friend are wide open and on Jesus and I pray that Jesus keeps showing you more and more of His beauty as you walk through this journey of healing. May God bless you and keep His hand on you and the kids. ❤🙏🙏🙏

Joette Waldon - March 11th, 2021 at 10:42pm

Mark, I truly believe God had a special place for Laci in heaven and there she is, in her heavenly body with Jesus. I only knew her for a short time but in those couple of years I found her to be a giving person, a wonderful Mother, and a good friend. She would call me, sometimes in the evening, when she was suffering herself and we would talk, but she would always end the conversation with "what can I pray for you". And I knew she would pray for me. She was a woman of strong faith. She showed that in everything she did in life. I found that out with my talks with her and getting to know her through those talks. She really was a Godly woman and her testimony was evidence. One day, she asked me what it was like to be a widow. We talked, and I knew her question was really about what will Mark's life be like as a widower. Of course, you and I have way different paths so there wasn't much I could tell her except we must trust in God, always! As you say, "trust in His will". It's what I did and it allowed joy to come back into my heart when I lost my husband of 50 years! He as my everything. You are a remarkable man Mark. You have been through a very difficult trial, pain and what could be more devastating than losing the mother of your young children. It's heartbreaking. But God does have plans for you. And you trusting Him will get you and Alexis & Luke through this time. You are a good, good father to those children. That's very apparent. So hang there my friend. Life will get better because we know God will be there to step you through the times of trials & pain. Jesus loves you and will protect you and the children. One day you will be a able to see Laci again. Love you and the children so very much.